The Hole in My Soul

I really should be in bed by now, but I wanted to share something that struck me today while driving home from class.

As a Christian, I believe that God created all of us for worship - we all worship something; that's part of who we are. I think, however, that God did more than just make us worshippers...I think God designed us so that we desire to be loved.

Paschal speaks of a "God shaped vacuum" in all of us, and I find that helpful. God has created this cavity within our souls and we all spend our lives trying to fill it.

In most cases, we go about it entirely the wrong way - we love ourselves (which devolves into selfishness), or we try to get others to love us (through performance, manipulation, fear, sympathy...we're pretty creative here). Hunter did it his way; I do it mine. But we all try to slake that thirst and nothing really satisfies, because God has designed it so that HE is the only peg that plugs that hole in our soul.

So there stands God, offering me all the affirmation I could ever want. Why is it that I have such a hard time embracing it?

Just this - I want God to want me because of me, because of what I am, because he needs me. In short - I want God to want me the way I want others to want me; I don't want God to fill my void, I want to be the thing that fills God's void...I want to be God.

And God says, nothing doing. There's nothing in me that is valuable in and of itself. The only reason for God loving me arises in him, not in me. He decided he would love me, and he decided that faith in Christ would be means of experiencing that fulfillment.

And that bothers me, because I want to be worth something to God, on my own, apart from him. That's why I constantly twist his gospel, to try and commend myself. Rather than simply acknowledging my own lack of worth, and believing that he will love me anyway.

That's faith. That's what God promises. And that's the only way we experience his love.

Almost.

You see, God calls us to love one another the same way (because of him, not them). I generally do a pretty lousy job of it. But my wife loves me this way, and seeing that kind of love expressed does something amazing to my heart. Being caught dog dead in my sin, and yet receiving forgiveness and grace rather than the wrath I deserve.

You see, if you really knew me, deep down, I'm not sure how many of you would like me. Of all the people in the world, Marilyn is the only one who knows me for who I really am, she has seen the blackness of my heart...and she loves me anyway.

In spite of myself, for the sake of Christ.

My wife illustrates Christ's love for me; she incarnates the gospel. And that is what Christ calls us to do as well. We need to preach that gospel to ourselves. We need to practice it on others. This truth more than any other has revolutionized my life; it will do wonders for the hole in your soul.

Mailbag

This site has a lot to do with story, because story shapes us, it colors our peculiar perspectives on life, God, the world around us. Stick around a while and you might end up learning more about us (warts and all) than you ever wanted to know.

But hey, we're interested in your story too - in hearing about where you are, where you've come from, and especially what you're wrestling with. Especially if your experience has been different than ours.

Consequently, from time to time we'd like to share with you some of the stories that readers share with us. This was an email we received earlier this week, and we hope you enjoy it as much as we did...

Hello,

I just finished reading "how God speaks" and often wonder what in the heck he is trying to tell me. I can be considered a "newbie" to turning my life over to Christ. It's actually still a work in progress. I recently left the Episcopal church after 40 years because I felt God was pulling me away. I feel like he's leading me somewhere, just not fast enough for my liking. For me, I often doubt what I am doing is right. After all, I took my wife and three kids from (somewhat) regular church worship and 6 months later have no formal (or informal) church home. I feel in my heart it was the right thing to do, I just don't like being "adrift", which leads me to doubt...a vicious cycle really.

Some good has definitely come of it though, I find I pray far more than I used to. About 6 weeks ago I (and I have no idea why) started listening to positive Christian music, now it's all I listen to. That in itself is a form of praying/praising that had been missing in my life. I find myself constantly singing the songs in my head (sometimes out loud...poor God) and have realized my thoughts are more on him than ever before.

So why I am I writing you? Your blog helps answer some of the questions I have (such as the suffering post, very nicely done) in a straightforward way that I like. You are in my favorites and I check often. I too thought Mr. Hunter's death was being spun, I liked how you put it into some perspective and underlined how his family thought he was in control. If Mr. Hunter let God be in control he would still be here today.

So consider this a "Thank You" and keep up the good work.

-Jay

Thank you, Jay! Its always nice to know that people are reading the site and that some of the things we say actually connect.

As for the rest of you, do you have something you'd like to share? Feel free to drop us a line anytime...

A Ring in Missoula

For those of you who know where we're headed, here's an interesting little story about Missoula, MT. Nothing profound, but its a cool little slice of life nonetheless...

Dead Man Talking

Ok, so I don't know who the heck Hunter Thompson is (other than the fact that's he's a dead guy now), but I do have some questions after reading about him here.

(Just as a word of warning - some of what I'm going to say is probably going to sound harsh. I would REALLY appreciate it if someone who is sympathetic to the ideas in this article could please attempt to explain how you think about the world, because I really just don't get it. I want to like him, really. Anyone named 'Hunter' has got to have something going for him. But I'm just having a hard time buying it).

So here's the scoop...

• good 'ol Hunter is 67, married to a wife of 32 (hmm, that's interesting)
• the article calls him a 'literary champ,' an 'icon' (so he was good enough to actually make money writing... impressive!)
• the guy had broken a leg and spent a year convalescing (so he's been a bit depressed, but hey, plenty of people have to deal w/ a lot worse)
• he's so depressed that he'd recently been talking about suicide w/ his family (but no one thinks he's serious)
• he's so serious that while he's talking with his wife on the phone he shoots himself w/ a .45 (a .45 being a fairly worthless caliber for anything other than suicide)

Now, here's where it gets interesting. Listen to how the family responds:

But a small circle of family and friends gathered around with stories, as he wished, with glasses full of his favored elixir — Chivas Regal on ice.

"It was very loving. It was not a panic, or ugly, or freaky," Thompson's wife, Anita Thompson, said..."It was just like Hunter wanted. He was in control here."

Anita Thompson also echoes the comments that have been made by Hunter Thompson's son and daughter-in-law: That her husband's suicide did not come from the bottom of the well, but was a gesture of strength and ultimate control made as his life was at a high-water mark.

"This is a triumph of his, not a desperate, tragic failure," Anita Thompson said by phone, recounting that she was sitting in her husband's chair he called his catbird seat in the Rockies.

She added: "He lived a beautiful life and he lived it on his own terms, all the way from the very beginning to the very end."

Anita Thompson, like her husband's other close relatives, understood how Hunter Thompson wanted to make his ultimate exit.

Ok, I understand that the family feels terrible about losing their loved one. I am not trying to minimize that one iota. In fact, I feel awful for them. But I simply cannot fathom how anyone can look at this as heroic. How far does someone have to go before we finally say, "This was selfish, self-centered, unloving... IT WAS WRONG!"

Now, I realize we don't like to say bad things about dead people. But at some point someone had to stand up and say 'the emporer has no clothes!'

As I read this article, what strikes me is how self-centered this man was, in both his living and his dying. Hunter spent his life controlling his circumstances and the people around him. And when the reality of life began to catch up with him - when he began to be faced with his own mortality, his own inability to control his destiny - he bailed. Bigtime. And he stuck his family members with the bill. Heartfuls of hurt that they will have to live with for the rest of their lives. This is noble???

Dying for others is noble. Dying for yourself just seems selfish.

I know that sounds harsh, but I have known too many people who have had pick up the pieces after their loved ones pulled the plug, and the scars they leave are truly awful.

At the same time, I understand that people are weak, sick, tired, and scared, and people like this sometimes do desperate, evil things.

But I just don't see how we can treat such actions as a virtue. We seem to be losing the capacity to call vice, vice. To call sin, sin. To realize that no action occurs in a vacuum. Everything we do, no matter how small, touches the lives of others.

Is there anyone out there who really thinks this article got it right?

Look at All the Pretty Buttons

Q: Hey, what do you like best about our blog?

Mollys pictures
The classic quotes
The wierd and wacky stuff
Honest wrestling w/ God & faith
Dialogue w/ unbelievers
The personal stories
The sense of humor
All of it, you really cool people!
None of it, you religous wackos!
None of it, you Satanic sellouts!

(ok, so we've found a new toy...humor us and vote)

no simple dilemma

christian has filled you in a bit on our recent life situation. what are we feeling? not really sure at this point. kind of numb. deep sadness and pain. basically just feeling like life sucks right now. we're really curious to learn how you deal with life's hanging curveballs?

here's the dilemma. 16 week old fetus that has a zero percent chance of surviving outside the womb according to science. but we believe in a living god who has raised men from the dead and has healed many afflictions and sicknesses. everyone is telling us that we should abort. but i look at this picture and don't see a mass of cells.

i see a human life that is made in the image of god. i see my child. how can i end the life of my child just because doing so might bring the least amount of pain and suffering? for some reason god decided that the first face this baby would see is his. lucky baby. sad parents. no simple dilemma. what would you do if your child had no chance of survival? would you terminate its life to get on with yours?

Baby Got Book

Remember Sir Mix-a-Lot? I heard about this spoof the other day, but it took me a while to find somewhere that I could actually view the video. It is TOTALLY worth checking out; I bet you'll laugh the whole way through it like I did.

Baby Got Book (or, Baby Got Bible).

It's done by some Christian comedian...you can probably find his website fairly easily by doing a search, but I'm too lazy to right now.

I chose to link from the above site because of the comment below the video: "This video is both hilarious and sad at the same time. I think it is stuff like this that keeps me from taking religion seriously."

Unfortunately, I share some of this person's misgivings. In spite of the hilarity of the video and the importance of searching for a spouse who shares your convictions, he seems to trivialize what the Christian life entails. I dunno... I know that I'm often hyper-critical, but given the websites that I've purused where this came up, it seems like a lot of people are taking Christianity less seriously when they see things like this.

Road Kill Candy

Here's a new perspective on life in America. I am sure this is something the AIDS victims in Africa would worry about.

Click here to read all about Road Kill Candy...

How God Speaks

As we think about suffering, many people struggle with the fact that God seems to be silent. We're not alone. Job wrestled with this very thing as God allows Satan to visit all manner of affliction upon him (go read Job 1-2 and see how casually God allows Job's life to be tragically altered).

The tension reaches its climax when Job finally cries out in anguish:

"Oh that I knew where I might find him, that I might come even to his seat! I would lay my case before him, and fill my mouth with arguments. I want to know how he would answer me." (Job 23:3-4).

The guy sounds ticked, and who can blame him?

This gist of his complaint, however, is NOT the fact that he is suffering. Job is no whiner - he's willing to take his licks - he just wants to know WHY. He asks God to give some kind of explanation. And God turns him down cold: "Who are you to question me?" (Job 40:2).

Maybe its just me, but I tend to empathize with the guy. I have a feeling unbelievers would agree (most of us Xians are way to pietistic for that). There are many times when we wish God would just speak. Reveal himself. Say something audibly. Face to face, man to man (cf. Job 16:21). If you really want me to believe in you, God, why don't you show yourself???

And this is the part that bugs me: God says he has.

God says that he speaks to us through Moses and the Prophets (ie. his Scriptures, cf. John 5:46). And Scripture says that Jesus is God's Word (John 1) - "In these last days he has spoken to us by his Son" (Heb 1:2).

God says something equally audacious, however - he says that he also speaks to us through his creation. Not only that, he says we hear every word of it.

"The heavens declare the glory of God, the sky above proclaims his handiwork. Day to day pours out speech, and night to night reveals knowledge. There is no speech, nor are there words whose voice is not heard" (Ps 19:1-3).

That's a pretty serious claim. God says that all creation screams to us about God, pointing us in his direction. How can this be? How does a rock, or flower, or an apple tree tell me anything about God? A guy named Van Til embraces this idea, saying every single "fact" in the universe actually points us to God. He illustrates by asking us to consider that apple tree...

As any scientist knows, apples come from apple trees and are good for eating. But where do the apple trees come from. Ultimately, every secular scientist will say that the trees are a product of evolution, that is, chance...apple trees are NOT designed by God. (Nataro, 39)

In other words, for the unbeliever, apple trees don't say anything about God. Yet in making that very statement, we ourselves are actually saying something about God (that he doesn't speak through apple trees), and about what/how he should speak (verbally, with a message I like).

Van Til likes to say, "every statement about the physical universe implies, in the last analysis, some view about the 'spiritual' realm" (Bahnsen, 209). Modern science does this all the time.

Nothing is so evident from the writings of scientists today as the fact that they are constantly making statements and drawing conclusions about the noumenal world on the ground of their studies of the phenomenal world which they are first supposed to have undertaken without reference to the noumenal world. They are constantly speaking about the nature of Reality as a whole (Bahnsen, 296-7).

Scripture says all creation (including apple trees) tells us about God. We say all creation tells us nothing about God. But make no mistake, both Christians and unbelievers are saying plenty about God. About what he should or shouldn't do. About how he should or shouldn't behave.

We have a vested interest in a God who does not speak, because we believe God's silence will excuse our unbelief. But none of us is neutral. And this is precisely where Scripture challenges our claims.

"For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth. For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. His invisible attributes...have been clearly perceived...in the things that have been made." (Rom 1:18-20).

We should all be honest and admit at least one thing: God's got balls. If I were going to write the Bible, there's no way in Hades I pitch it the way he does. It sounds way too harsh. Intolerant even. But then again, I'm not God, as much as I sometimes try to be.

That's actually one of the things I appreciate about Scripture (and one of the reasons why I think it IS God's word) - it doesn't candy coat anything. It throws it right out there for everyone to see and says, "Hey, this is the way it is. Deal with it."

But that's the problem. We can't. We are addicted to ourselves, and we're living in denial.

Scripture is honest about the human condition. God says we are far worse than we think we are. We suppress the truth. We try to claim ignorance. But Scripture says that deep down, we all know the truth - that God exists and is calling us to respond on his terms, not our own.

One thing is painfully clear - we can't both be right.

So what about God's silence? Why doesn't he just say something verbally so we'd know for sure? Actually, Scripture and Jesus both claim that he HAS spoken (and they both have an awful lot to say). The problem is that most of the time I'm not particularly fond of WHAT they are saying, because it shows me for what I am - a sinner who loves himself with all his heart, soul, mind and strength.

Look, even if God did speak directly to me, right this moment, what would prevent me from just writing it off as some freak psychological phenomenon? I must be overworked, underappreciated, suffer from low self esteem...you fill in the blank.

You see, we could ALWAYS find a way of writing it off if we didn't like what he says. And that's exactly what he says about us - we are people who don't like God's message...so we suppress the truth. And in so doing we pit ourselves against God. I make myself his enemy, rather than his friend (Rom 5:10).

But Jesus also brings us a word of hope - "Cheer up, you're worse than you could possibly imagine, but my grace is better than you could ever dream." Christ offers us amnesty. He does not promise to take away the pain, but he does promise to lead us through it, to use it to make us more like him. Just like he did with Job:

"Now my eye sees you; there fore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes" (42:6).

You see, the problem is not so much with God as it is with me. He does speak. The real question is whether or not I am willing to listen to what he says.

That's Pride... (exerpt)

(Another worthwhile Charlesdog post, from a couple days back...)

...
I was thinking about how we all think that our abilities will last forever. When you are young, you think that you can only get better at everything. You think that you can party all night and still get in a productive day the next morning. You think that friendship is easy as long as you have fun. You think that you can go around and “just chill” with people of the opposite sex forever and not make any kind of commitment.

Then, you wake up one day with a big hangover because you thought that you could party like you did in the old days. You feel like crap, but you still have to go to that job of yours, where you are overworked and under appreciated, to pay your mortgage on the picket fence house in the Burbs, along with little Jimmy’s piano lessons and little Sarah’s ballet, jazz, and tap. You lose touch with a lot of your friends, because your work and your home life consume you, and you are so tired that you don’t know how to be a good friend to anyone.
...

Click here to read the full Charlesdog post...

Contentment

"All contentment is a foretaste of eternity"

- Joni Eareckson Tada, When God Weeps

Consider the Lilies

"Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. "

Matthew 6:28-34

Hell's Splashover

I just finished reading the chapter on Hell in When God Weeps, by Joni Eareckson Tada and Steve Estes. The whole book is on suffering, and they conclude with a look at the "H" word. They start the chapter saying, "For eleven chapters we've looked at the hell-on-earth that many people go through."

Even I was a bit shocked that they decided to discuss such an unpopular concept in a book that is so targeted at God's compassion for human suffering. It makes me think of "Hellfire and Brimstone" preachers who try to scare people into heaven by vividly portraying the horrors of hell ... demons with pitchforks prodding people into a cave full of flames, or some other caricature. But, they explain, hell holds the key to many mysteries about our earthly sufferings. "Without hell, the 'why' behind so much pain will never be resolved. Without hell, there is ultimately no justice or fairness. For God to be God, for heaven to be heaven, there must be a hell."

But that's not actually the point of my thoughts here ... that's just a long introduction. Where my thoughts were riveted as I read this chapter was on the way the horrors of hell "splash over" into earthly life. We can't get around it. It's part of the fact that we live in a fallen world. And Christians usually wrestle (or if they don't, they should) with how we can live in a world where Christ has conquered the power of sin and death, and yet we are still all-too-acquainted with sorrows and pain. I actually find it comforting (in a strange way) to conceptualize suffering as a taste of hell. But before I muddle with anymore words, I just want to quote from the eloquent pages of When God Weeps.

"If we had an easy life, we would soon forget that we are eternal creatures. But hell's splashover won't allow that. It persistently reminds us that something immense and cosmic is at stake - a heaven to be reached, a hell to be avoided. Human souls are the battle ground on which massive spiritual battles are being waged. The stakes are enormous. The winner takes all and the loser loses everything. Every day of our short lives has eternal consequences for good or ill. Eternity is being affected. Right now counts forever. Thus, it is only fitting that God should give us some sense of the stakes involved, some sense of the war's magnitude. He does this by giving us foretastes of heaven in the joys we experience, and foretastes of hell in our suffering.

All the while that we are experiencing such pain, these trials are making us more like Christ. They are refining our chracter and, thus, winning us eternal rewards. As Paul says, 'Our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all' (2 Corinthians 4:1). In other words, by tasting a small bit of hell now, our heaven is becoming more heavenly. Our neighbors and friends are more likely to join us there. And our gratitude for our salvation overflows. 'I deserve to go to hell,' we admit, 'but I'm going to heaven anyway -- no one has more reason to rejoice than I!'

And twenty minutes of heaven will make up for everything."

(When God Weeps, 197).

God, Suffering, & Baby Sutherland

In the coming weeks I'd like to take a good hard look at suffering - it seems to be something we all experience at some point or another. Sometimes it smacks us like a migraine; at other times its just a constant thrum in the background of everything we do. But no one gets a free ride. Everyone experiences it sooner or later, to some degree or another. And God doesn't shrink from it - instead, he actually speaks of suffering as a gift.

That's a hard word, and I'd like to explore it further...

For now, however, I'd just like to bring you up to speed on suffering in our midst. Some of you already know this, but Ryan and Rachel are expecting. Last week they went for their first ultrasound, and they got an unexpected shock - the child in Rachel's womb has no skull. Which means that it could die at any point. It may also go full term. It most certainly cannot survive past birth unless God intervenes miraculously.

And so I'd like to ask you to pray: for Ryan, for Rachel, but especially for the little child she bears. Scripture tells us that God is in control of everything, even situations like this. It also tells us that he is compassionate and merciful, and that he is certainly capable of saving lives (not just spiritually, but physically as well). So pray for God to intervene if he so pleases, for him to be glorified no matter what, and for Ryan and Rachel as they learn to deal with the gifts of God (both those we like and those we don't).

I think Ryan will post more about this later this week, but I wanted to give everyone a heads up so that you can be praying for them.

Monday Morning Snowfall

I picked up a hooker this morning. Not that I intended too, but she was trudging through the snow carrying an empty gas can, and I figured she might need a ride. It is so easy to just drive on past these people in the rush of our hustle-bustle world, but this morning I actually had some pad in my schedule. So I offered her a lift, and quickly discovered that she was not your normal citizen-in-need.

Her literary ability tipped me off. She had this amazing capacity for sexual innuendo in casual convesation that would have put the best of my junior-high buddies to shame.

"So where you from?"

"California. I've lived here in the city for a long time now, but I can still blow like nobody's business, you know what I mean?" (grin and wink)

Wow. How do you respond that that?

Back in the day, she certainly would have turned heads, but now, nearing 50, she reminded me of an old running shoe - after many miles she just looked worn. She was missing a front tooth. She was hard to understand. She may have been a little stoned. She was definitely surprised that a white guy picked her up.

In the midst of all this, I kind of froze. I mean, what do you say to someone like this? I gave her a ride to the station, helped her fill her can with kerosene. She had no idea how to work the pump - she was doing this for her elderly neighbor who needed it to heat her house. And her biggest gripe was that "none of her people would give her the time of day."

I gave her a few minutes of mine, but not much more. How do you meaningfully share anything with someone in 10 minutes, when you will never see them again in your life. Do you jump right to the gospel? Do you smile and nod? How would Jesus love this person?

I'm afraid I don't have any answers here, just lots of questions.

The one thing I do know is that we as Christians need to learn how to love people like this, because if we believe what God says about us, we're a lot more like her than we are like him (cf. the Wedding Dress post). We are whores, and yet God is willing to embrace us if we are willing to embrace Christ.

Its kind of ironic to see a black prostitute walking off in the white snow.

Sometimes its nice to have a bit of perspective to start the week...

Rain Man Dan

Like the soul, the mind is a mysterious thing - the deeper you look, the more you wonder about what goes on in peoples' heads. I love trying to understand how people think, how they see the world, and every now and then you run across someone whose mind is extremely intriguing, someone who sees the world differently...

Daniel Tammet is a 26 year old autistic savant who knows 7 languages and sees numbers as colors, shapes, and textures. He can calculate cube roots faster than a calculator, and he recently memorized the value of PI to 22,514 decimal places (just to demonstrate he could do it). He also happens to be a Christian who likes G.K. Chesterton. And he is gay.

You can read more about him here, here and here.

While it would be fascinating to actually get to know someone like this, what strikes me more is the fact that Daniel Tammet demonstrates how little we actually know about the mind.

Nevertheless, we are often extremely confident in our own mental abilities - when faced with the reality of evil, we are sure there is no God; even if he does exist, he could not possibly speak to us through the Bible; even if he does speak, he could not possibly have a problem with me (after all, I'm one of the best people I know).

We are people of faith, believing utterly in ourselves.

Until we encounter people like Daniel Tammets, whose 22,000 digits wreak havoc on our definitions of "math whiz." Surely no one could do better than that, right? Hey, there's a guy in Tokyo whose got nearly twice Tammet's precision!

If a mere human is capable of such feats, why is the idea of an all-knowing God so inconceivable?

Wedding Dress

As some of you know, I'm a Derek Webb fan, largely because a) he's a great songwriter (something of a rarity among Christians these days), and b) he also understand the importance of the Church (equally rare, even among Christians).


I think one of the best songs he has written is a tune called Wedding Dress...

If you could love me as a wife,
and for my wedding get your life,
should that be all I'll ever need,
or is there more I'm looking for?

Should I read between the lines,
and look for blessings in disguise,
to make me handsome rich and wise,
is that really what you want?

Chorus
'Cause I am whore I do confess,
put you on just like a wedding dress,
and I run down the isle, I run down the isle.
I'm a prodigal with no way home,
I put you on just like a ring of gold,
and I run down the isle, I run down the isle, to you...

So could you love this bastard child,
though I don't trust you to provide,
with one hand in a pot of gold,
and with the other in your side.

Cause I am so easily satisfied,
by the call of lovers so less wild,
and I would take a little cash,
over your very flesh and blood.

Chorus

Cause the money cannot buy, a husbands jealous eye,
When you have knowingly deceived his wife...

Chorus

This song captures the heart of the gospel. Wish I would have written it...

Drawing the Line

Charlesdog recently asked a question that deserves closer attention:

Is there ever a line that we draw in “forgiveness”? What if one of your friends beat his wife, who was also one of your friends? Should you allow him in your house, even if he doesn’t repent? Can you really forgive him, or would it be empty forgiveness, like, “I know, I’m a Christian, so I have to forgive him, because that’s what I’m supposed to do.” When can we draw the line on unconditional love? Even if we “forgive” these people, could we really love them the way we should when we don’t trust him around our kids? Is there like an exception, when you are protecting people like your family, who you frankly love “more”?

I think this is a great question, because it gets at the heart of the matter: where do we draw the line? Rather than answer it directly, however, let's turn it around first.

It seems to me this is precisely how we want God to treat us. We want our own absolute autonomy (freedom to do whatever we want) -AND- we expect him to forgive us no matter what we do (because after all, "God is love"). We want to have our cake and eat it too.

So how does God answer the question? He consistently calls us to do two things: repent and believe.

When we repent we acknowledge that we were wrong. That we actually have done things that are vile, that we deserve punishment, not mercy. It is impossible to be repentant and still believe that I can do whatever I want to do, because repentance implies morality, and morality implies a standard that is above and beyond me.

Most of us have no difficulty seeing the sin in others, the things they need to repent of. But we're a lot less inclined to point the finger at the guy in the mirror, because, quite frankly, we have a vested interest in seeing ourselves as the "good guys".

Now where things really get interesting is when we look at the second half of God's response. He doesn't call us to DO something (pennance, pushups, good works, whatever). He simply calls us to believe. Believe what?

God calls us to believe that he will forgive us because of what he has done in Christ on the cross, not because of anything in and of ourselves. Scripture calls this "putting your faith in Christ." (and believe me, the more I start to acknowledge my own sin, the more faith it takes to believe that God could actually forgive me).

So what if your friend beats his wife? Should you forgive him? It depends on whether he is truly repentant - and only God can truly see his heart; that's why we need to be quick to give the benefit of the doubt.

But should I say something to him about it? That depends on whether I'm really his friend. Sometimes the easy way out is to simply say, "Hey, its alright. I'm ok. You're ok. We're all ok..." But that's a bunch of crap: it IS a big deal. You are beating your wife, man! And if I am really friends with his wife, then for her sake I had better tell him its wrong. And if I am really his friend, then for his sake too I had better say the same thing: "You have a problem! You need to deal with it, and if you can't, you need to get help."

Back to that mirror. What if we spit in God's face and worship ourselves rather than him? Should he forgive us? If we're really repentant, and believe God's promise, then yes, he will. Should he say something to us about it? That's exactly what he does through Scripture - he says we have a serious problem (sin), and we are utterly incapable of dealing with it ourselves. And that's why God sent Jesus to save us. Jesus is God's ultimate word to us (and we can only know him through Scripture).

Jesus reveals that our problems run deep, all the way to our hearts. And then he actually does something about it. He offers his righteousness (and everything that goes with it) in exchange for our sin (and everything that goes with that). But he only offers it to those who are willing to repent and believe.

I wish that wasn't the case, because there are times where I've actually wanted to hit my wife (and were probably times where she wanted to shoot me). Part of me really wishes I COULD do whatever I want and still be ok. But I've got friends who love me too much for that...

A real friend calls a spade a spade and tells it like it is. That's what we do with those we love. That's what God does with us. He never says that its all ok, but he does promise forgiveness for any sin - there is nothing which can separate us from God's love if we are united to Christ in faith.

That's where God draws the line...

My Intolerance (exerpt)

(Charlesdog recently posted these reflections, and I thought it was worth sharing...)

When my parents were my age, my father went to Woodstock and hitchhiked all around the country living in communes and my mother was in the Peace Corp in the Dominican Republic living in a tin roofed shack with no indoor plumbing. I went to a school where you called your teachers by their first name. When I told a kid their that I didn’t shop at the Weaver’s Way Co-Op, I would have gotten a better response if I had farted in his face. I’ve heard “Touch of Gray” by the Grateful Dead more times than you could imagine. Needless to say, I grew up liberal. Naturally, being a liberal, I was tolerant of other people. Or was I?

A few years ago a nice family couple moved in next door. I had many conversations with them, and I was always welcome at their house where something was always cooking on the grill and the Cappuccino was always flowing. These people were great people, so naturally, I thought that they were liberals. Well, it turns out that they were Conservative Christian Republicans. I guess we all assume that people who we like are just like us.

They are slowly being “outted” to the people in the neighborhood. I say this because being Republican in Germantown is like being Gay in Alabama. The exchange goes something like this, “Is it true so and so is a Republican?” Then I say, “Yes.” Then they say, “Oh, I never would have known, he was such a nice guy.” Needless to say, this family still lives next door and has taken to the community well.

Read the rest of Charlesdog's post...

Power of Prayer?

I saw an interesting story on the news tonight - it was about a young man who was injured in a car wreck, and his church gave him a beeper for people to beep him whenever they pray for him. So it sits by his bedside and buzzes almost constantly as people call with "prayers" from all over the world. One interesting comment that the announcer made was that it was about "The Power of Modern Prayer."

Guatemalan Lily Pads

Follow the Leader

It seems to be a common conviction these days: Christianity is fine, but its just one way among many. Buddism, Islam, whatever... they're all just different perspectives on God, alternative paths to the truth.

How do we know that truth is not relative?

That's what a friend named Alyssa asked over coffee at Infusion today. Reed, sitting across from us both, offered an interesting analogy.

"Suppose there was a lake full of the purest, clearest water, on top of the highest mountain in the world. If people from every country all climbed that mountain, each from their own side, and they all tapped into that common water source...wouldn't we expect the same kind of water to flow down every side? Of course! We would NOT expect clear water from one side of the lake, and scummy water from another. But how then do we explain the fact that many religions say contradictory things? Someone has to be right, and someone has to be wrong. They can't both be drawing from the same water supply."

To state the matter plainly: When Jesus says, "I am the way, the truth, the life - no one comes to the Father but through me" (Jn 14:6) how can we honestly claim that he's offering one of many compatible perspectives? If I believe there are many ways to God, and Jesus says there is only one, one of us is right and one of us is wrong. Anything else is irrational. This leaves me with two possible options - either Jesus is right and I'm in trouble, or Jesus is wrong and he's most definitely NOT a good guy.

The point here is that there really ARE differences between Christianity and other religions (see Molly's previous post), we can't just pin it all on deficiences in Christian practice (and hey, I know there are plenty!). But in many cases, we Christians are just trying to take seriously the things that Jesus said. So why do people accuse the followers of being intolerant, and not the leader? Why are so few people willing to speak ill of Jesus, in spite of what he says?

resources

i just added the links to the right. charles' blog has some great insight from a much different perspective than ours, but we are saying a lot of the same stuff...thanks again, charles, for your insight. i also added a link to my resource blog. there are a bunch of great articles, documents and a couple whole books there that you may find useful on many subjects....and i add a few additional thoughts that you won't find here. if you have an article that you'd like me to make available, let me know.

Mule Deer Hunting, Montana Style

Mule deer hunting, Montana style

Seems like this ought to be on one of those postcards you pick up in gas stations. Only this photo wasn't doctored...

what's the secret password?

i picked this title because the church tends to be like a secret society where you have to know the right way to dress, act and speak in order to be a part of the group. they will welcome you in, but there always seem to be conditions. christian posted an excerpt from a book in a recent post called, blue like jazz by donald miller. i highly recommend it. miller describes his book, "nonreligious thoughts on christian spirituality." if you are not a christian i recommend it even more because i think it will present a christianity that you have never encountered. here is an excerpt of my own that speaks to this issue of conditional church membership.

before i quote the passage, i want to sincerely repent to those people that i have placed conditions on for my friendship. i also want to apologize for the church as a whole for you who have been rejected by the church just because you may have not fit in to the mold. here's what donald wrote on page 215-216:

I began to understand that my pastors and leaders were wrong, that the liberals were not evil, they were liberal for the same reason Christians were Christians, because they believed their philosophies were right, good, and beneficial for the world. I had been raised to believe there were monsters under the bed, but I had peeked, in a moment of bravery, and found a wonderful world, a good world, better, in fact, than the one I had known.

The problem with Christian community was that we had ethics, we had rules and laws and principles to judge each other against. There was love in Christian community, but it was conditional love. Sure, we called it unconditional, but it wasn't. There were bad people in the world and good people in the world. We were raised to believe this. If people were bad, we treated them as though they were either evil or charity: If they were bad and rich, they were evil. If they were bad and poor, they were charity. Christianity was always right; we were always looking down on everybody else. And I hated this. I hated it with a passion. Everything in my soul told me it was wrong. It felt, to me, as wrong as sin. I wanted to love everybody. I wanted everything to be cool. I realize this sounds like tolerance, and to many in the church the word tolerance is profanity, but that is precisely what I wanted. I wanted tolerance. I wanted everybody to leave everybody else alone, regardless of their relgious beliefs, regardless of their political affiliation. I wanted people to like each other. Hatred seemed, to me, the product of ignorance. I was tired of biblical ethic being used as a tool with which to judge people rather than heal them. I was tired of Christian leaders using biblical principles to protect their power, to draw a line in the sand separating the good army from the bad one....

Does this impact you like it did me? I would love to hear your thoughts. Sorry it is so long.

Life Metaphors

Here’s a confession that could open me up to a bit of ridicule … so be kind to me! When I was little, I discovered on car rides that I could pick out a spot on the window, stare at it, and then close alternate eyes and that spot would move in relation to the horizon. [If you haven’t discovered the wonders of the dominant eye and what it can do to perspective, I encourage you to explore it]. That’s not so bad; but the fact is that I still do it. I can still entertain myself on car rides by doing that; just a few weeks ago a friend caught me watching the world go by through the cardboard sleeve that had been over my cup of convenience store hot chocolate. Yes, that’s right, I was essentially pretending that a roll of cardboard was a telescope and framing different scenes out the window through it.

Perspective … we all have these narrowing and different ways that we look at life. Another oddity about my strange mind is that if I’m driving cross-country, I have in the past thought that I could be a character in a movie and tried to think what music would be playing in the soundtrack at that moment. Usually I’m driving across Wyoming or North Dakota, so music is something like, “It’s been a long day driving past grain towers and telephone poles.”

If your life were a movie, what music would be in the soundtrack?

OR, do you have a dominant metaphor through which you look at life? Yeah, I have one of those, too. I often relate my life to the verse in Isaiah that says that God holds us in the palm of his hand. Sometimes I’m just nestled up, contentedly sleeping in the palm of God’s hand like so many posters in Christian bookstores. Sometimes I’m perched on the edge of God’s hand like Merry and Pippin in the Ent’s hand in the Lord of the Rings, seeing what exciting things are going to happen now that I’m connected to someone so much bigger and more powerful than myself. Sometimes I’m just hanging out, sort of doing my own thing like a kid on a playground, but knowing that underneath me and all around me is this powerful hand. Sometimes I’m like a grasshopper that a little kid caught, now cupped in his parents hand – jumping all over and fighting to get out and spitting gross brown stuff on those hands – but still I am held securely (but not so tightly that it would crush me). Sometimes I’m like a scared little mouse who is held just securely enough to know that I am safe, even though I have no idea what’s going on around me. No matter what my perspective is, I'm always reminded that I am being upheld by God's strong - yet gentle - hand.

Love like Money

In light of our recent conversations about evangelism, the following quote seems particularly relevant:

"The problem with Christian culture is we think of love as a commodity. We use it like money. Professor Spencer was right, and not only was he right, I felt as though he had cured me, as though he had let me out of my cage. I could see it very clearly. If somebody is doing something for us, offering us something, be it gifts, time, popularity, or what have you, we feel they have value, we feel they are worth something to us, and, perhaps, we feel they are priceless. I could see it so clearly, and I could feel it in the pages of my life. This was the thing that had smelled so rotten all these years. I used love like money. The church used love like money. With love, we withheld affirmation from the people who did not agree with us, but we lavishly financed the ones who did....

Here is something very simple about relationships that Spencer helped me discover: Nobody will listen to you unless they sense that you like them."

-Donald Miller, Blue Like Jazz (p218,220).

This is why lifestyle evangelism can NEVER be a program. This is why sharing Christ HAS to be comfortable (in fact, I'd argue that the only place you can ever wrestle with the really uncomfortable things is in the comfortable context of unconditional friendship). So maybe we should just scrap the term "evangelism" altogether and call it "Gospel Lifestyle"...

Believe in Yourself

"The men who really believe in themselves are all in lunatic asylums"
-G.K. Chesterton, Orthodoxy (p9)

Evangelism Sucks

Let's cut to the chase: most evangelism sucks. Generally, the only people who dislike it more than the unbelievers being evangelized are the Christians doing the evangelizing. Now, that may sound odd, but as one of the dutifully conscience bound saints, I can testify that I hated sharing my faith with unbelievers.

Why such angst? Because nobody really wants to be a jerk, and yet no one really wants to see their friends burn in hell either. I shared my faith because I felt like I had too, and the results were unequivocally dismal. Ask an honest believer and you'll find this is a common sentiment.

Now, Christians typically respond in one of three ways:

• a) we try and pretend that evangelism doesn't matter

• b) we know that it does, but we just shut our mouths anyway and don't say anything (feeling guilty all the while), -OR-

• c) we start looking for a secret formula, the right ingredient which is "guaranteed to produce results" (just like all those emails that promise to add 3 inches of you-know-what to you-know-where). We think evangelism can be reduced to a technique.

Listen, I am convinced that in our increasingly post-modern society, hard-sell, cold-call, door-to-door, "God has a wonderful plan for your life" evangelism is the socio-cultural equivalent of electronic spam. Send enough of it and you may see results. But you'll tick an awful lot of people off in the process.

At the same time, I am equally convinced that evangelism is exactly what God intends for the church to be doing. Its not an optional thing. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that if we want to take the Bible seriously, we need to see evangelism as part and parcel of the ordinary Christian experience. To be a Christian is to be evangelistic. To share our faith.

Eph 4:15 tells us to "speak the truth in love." Paul doesn't just just have other Christians in view here - we need to be truthful and honest with non-believers as well. And that's precisely what so many people don't like about Scripture - it has some really hard things to say about our eternal destiny and stuff like that if we won't tow the line and play according to Jesus' rules. Jesus himself said some pretty harsh things, like "no one comes to the father but through me." Ouch. Not exactly words of tolerance.

So where does this leave us? Actually, forget about you - where does that leave me? You see, I want to plant churches, churches that reach unbelievers even, and that generally involves, well, uh...evangelism! Holy converts, Batman!

First, we need to get something straight: if you think that God loves you more because you share your faith (or less because you don't), you don't understand the gospel. God does not love you more or less because of what you do - he loves you solely because of what Christ has already done, and the way you gain his favor is by putting your faith in Christ's work, not your own.

I'm not pointing the finger at you here - I'm pointing it at me, because for years I didn't get this fundamental fact. Yet its this fundamental fact that makes the good news, "good news".

Whether we like it or not, Jesus believed in Hell (and frankly, I think he probably knows more than any of us ever will). But he also believed in Heaven. And he said that all I have to do to get there is realize that I can't get there on my own - that I need his righteousness because mine is like filthy rags (think dirty diapers, folks). And the way I get that righteousness is simply by believing his promise - both to give and to guarantee it on my behalf.

Now listen, what I am saying here is for all of us Christians. We don't need to worry about what God thinks about us when we share our faith (or when we don't). And that promise is tremendously liberating. It means I can relax a bit, have a beer, and just be myself. Around myself. And around non-Christians (trust me on this - most non-Christians will appreciate it if you just relax and have a beer).

What I'm talking about here is preaching the gospel to yourself. Now here's the cool part. Whatever gospel I preach to myself, whatever thing I think commends me to God - that is what I will offer to others. We cannot help but do otherwise. And as we start to undestand the gospel in terms of believing God's promises about what he has done for us, that realization will change the way we share our faith with others.

The concept that I'm talking about is called "Lifestyle Evangelism," and I'll write more about that in the next day or two.

(to be continued...)

in the name of tolerance

i just read the following pro-homosexual article about dobson's recent accusation that cartoon character, sponge bob square-pants is gay: click here for the full article.

it was a great non-christian perspective of tolerance. ironically, however, the author portrays a very intolerant view of dobson's position while accusing dobson of intolerance. it is pretty humorous nonetheless.

it brings up a great question though. scripture clearly tells us that there are times for us to judge and times we shouldn't. any thoughts on how we discern when to judge and when not to?

NO FEAR

do you remember the t-shirts from the late 80's/early 90's? clever slogans about ruling our own little worlds. in one sense, though, the slogan is on to something. imagine what life would be like if we had no fear. imagine what we would do if we were not bound by the thoughts of others, success, achievements or the fear of dying. my prayer is that we will reflect on those things that keep us frozen to the pew and not out getting our hands dirty with people. "do not fear the one who can kill the body, fear instead the one who can throw both body and soul into hell." and remember, "he who dies with the most toys, still dies." no fear.

Why IS that sound so sweet?

"Meet Grace" is an online article from a group called Christian Counterculture. The article is by Philip Yancey, and it's a beautiful word picture of that old familiar hymn, "Amazing Grace," and why that sound is so sweet.

Here's the opening paragraph of the article, to give you a teaser:

During a British conference on comparative religions, experts from around the world debated what, if any, belief was unique to the Christian faith. They began eliminating possibilities. Incarnation? Other religions had different versions of gods appearing in human form. Resurrection? Again, other religions had accounts of return from death. The debate went on for some time until C. S. Lewis wandered into the room. "What's the rumpus about?" he asked, and heard in reply that his colleagues were discussing Christianity's unique contribution among world religions. Lewis responded, "Oh, that's easy. It's grace."

In honor of the now-fading winter...

TV Evangelist Joel Osteen

http://msnbc.msn.com/id/6894347/ This is a link to a Today show interview with TV's hottest evangelist. I've actually seen him several times as we're flipping channels in the dorm, and he is extremely charismatic and charming. His church has something like 25,000 members, and he has packed out places like Madison Square Garden. I found the link from Modern Reformation, because Michael Horton has a quote buried in this interview.

My question is: If you had somebody tap you on the shoulder in Starbucks to ask you about Joel, and this was the only exposure to Christianity that they had ever had, what would you affirm about his message, and what would you want to nuance (or would you -- rhetorical question, of course).

Feel free to post your answers/ideas in the comments section!

Clockwork Orange

All the towering materialism which dominates the modern mind rests ultimately upon one assumption: a false assumption. It is supposed that if a thing goes on repeating itself it is probably dead; a piece of clockwork...if the universe were personal it would vary; if the sun were real it would dance.

For grown-up people are not strong enough to exult in monotony. But perhaps God is strong enough to result in monotony. It is possible that God says every morning, "Do it again" to the sun; and every even, "Do it again" to the moon. It may not be automatic necessity that makes all daisies alike; it may be that God makes every daisy separately, but has never got tired of making them. It may be that He has the eternal appetite of infancy; for we have sinned and grown old...

G.K. Chesterton, Orthodoxy (p60-61).

Seeing things upside down

What popped into my mind the instant I saw the title Christian had chosen for this blog was Derek Webb's newest album, "I See Things Upside Down." I don't think we as Christians like to flip our minds around to see things right. It's a huge step to even acknowledge that we've been looking at life all wrong, but it's a daily struggle to reject what we now realize is backwards and to embrace the truth.

Here are the lyrics to that song. For more Derek Webb, go to www.derekwebb.com.

"i see things upside down"(words and music by derek webb)

what looks like failure is success
and what looks like poverty is riches
when what is true looks more like a knife
it looks like you’re killing me
but you’re saving my life

chorus
but i give myself to what looks like love
and i sell myself for what feels like love
and i pay to get what is not love
and all just because i see things upside down

what looks like weakness can do anything
and what looks like foolishness is understanding
when what is powerful has not come to fight
it looks like you’re going to war
but you lay down your life

chorus

what looks like torture is a time to rejoice
what sounds like thunder is a comforting voice
when what is beautiful looks broken and crushed
and i say i don’t know you
but you say it’s finished
when what is beautiful looks broken and crushed
and i say i don’t know you
but you say it’s finished

Welcome

So what goes on in this mind of mine? Many things, a jumbled collage, like images in a slideshow, where every scene evokes memories, emotions, passions, convictions. On the surface, they may seem disjointed or even antithetical, but give them enough time and patterns begin to form, themes gradually emerge.

That's what this blog is about - a common theme, a way of looking at life differently, through the lens of the gospel. But rather than try to spell it out, we'd rather just invite you to sit back and enjoy the pictures. If you watch closely, maybe it'll begin to make sense to you too...