Man of No Reputation

There's a haunting song on Rich Mullin's Jesus Record called "Man of No Reputation" [listen], by Rick Elias. The chorus speaks of Christ, and it runs something like this:

He was a man of no reputation
And by the wise, considered a fool
When He spoke about faith and forgiveness
In a time when the strongest arms ruled

But this man of no reputation
Loved the weak with relentless affection
And He loved all those poor in spirit just as they were
He was a man of no reputation

It's a great song, and I was reminded again today just how much I still struggle with this myself. You see, I am dreadfully insecure. Now, most of the time you would never know it - a long time ago I subconsciously decided that one of the surest ways to avoid "not measuring up" in the eyes of others was simply to expect more of myself than anyone else ever did. If you set the bar high enough, then everyone else's expectations will always be lower than your own. They will never think worse of you than you already do yourself.

Yeah, it's twisted in an anal-retentive sort of way. It has the semblance of humility, of not caring what others think, but it's only skin deep. Deep down, I still want people to like me, and it still hurts like hell when they don't.

As I said, this all came flooding to the fore this evening after dinner. We recently had some friends from school over for dinner - they knew me, but had never met Marilyn. We had a great evening. And then when Marilyn ran into one of them again this morning, Matty greeted her warmly and then confessed with a smile:

"I had you pegged for a doormat. I mean, Christian has such a strong personality that I just figured his wife must be docile or something... and instead, you're a total pistol!"

Now, this was a very nice compliment for Marilyn (and I'm sure those of you who know her will agree - she has a strong personality and can hold her own with just about anyone - which is part of the reason I was so attracted to her years ago).

Here's the thing though. What made the whole thing funny was that Matty's conception of what Marilyn would be like was completely wrong - but she had a reason for thinking that. She knew me. And as the reality of that sank in, I immediately found myself thinking: "What does she really think of me? What does everyone else in my class think of me? Am I one of those guys who is a total ass and just doesn't know it? Am I..."

You see, my mind seized one tiny little piece of data - someone's perception of me having a "strong personality" (good grief, how can anyone think that anyway????) - and it ran with it. My mind ruminated on it, looked at it from every angle, considered all the implications, wondered whether I should try and change my public persona.

And in the midst of all this, it just struck me - Christian, why are you so concerned with your reputation? Why does the mere possibility of disapproval just grab me by the throat and give me a pit in the bottom of my stomach? Why can such a simple thing own me so easily?

I think the only answer is that I worship myself way more than I'd ever like you to know. I place huge expectations on myself because deep down that is really where I put a lot of my confidence, my hope. I crave success, adulation - not from everyone, but definitely from people I like and admire. I want you to like me.

And that is the antithesis of what Christ was, really. Jesus came, humbly, dressed in the garb of a servant. And that is what he calls us to do as well - to die to ourselves, to live solely to please God, to see ourselves as ambassadors, representatives of a great and glorious king.

At the end of the day, the only thing that should matter to me, is that I matter to him.

And sadly, that just isn't the reality very often. So I am convicted by Matty's compliment to my wife, and I am reminded once again just how sinfully self-serving I really am. Jesus, teach me to love you more than I love myself - teach me to be a man after your own heart, a man of no reputation, willing to be considered a fool.

Song of the Camelback Trout

What do Montana and North Africa have in common? Rumor has it that here alone in mountain highlands lurks the legendary Camelback Trout. If you'd like to learn more about our little fishing expedition, then come join us for one last musical hurrah on Wednesday, April 5th at the Westminster Cafe [map].

We'd love to have you come listen. It runs from 8:30-10:30 PM, kids are welcome, and you can come or go as you need to. All original music. Blazing guitars, rousing djembe, impassioned vocals. Stylistically, somewhere between Third Day (loud) and Crosby, Stills & Nash (acoustic). If enough of you show up, Marilyn will perform her belly dancing routine (just seeing if you were paying attention). Did I mention there will be coffee???

Hope to see you there, and please spread the word...

Thinking About Change

I'm reading Paul Tripp's Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands again, this time in Chapter 13 as he talks about pursuing “change” in peoples lives. I am struck by the fact that most of the time, we conceive of change as a short term endeavor – we're interested in the bottom line, in the here and now. And this tends to be true both for the people giving advice and those who are coming to them for help. As we experience pressure in our lives, we look for ways to ease the pain, to “fix” things. We tend to have a very now-centered view of things – both in how we understand the problems and also in how we look for solutions.

Yet this kind of attitude is strikingly different from the way Paul views the world. In speaking to the Corinthians (and believe me, they had plenty of issues that needed fixing), Paul says “I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy. I promised you to one husband, to Christ, so that I might present you as a pure virgin to him. But I am afraid that just as Eve was deceived by the serpents cunning, you minds may somehow be led astray from your sincere and pure devotion to Christ.” (2 Cor 11:1-3).

For Paul, one's conversion is like an engagement – we are promised to Christ, and the wedding comes at the end of time when he returns. And his desire for us is that we live our present lives with this final destiny in view – that we live in such a way now so as to be pure and holy then.

Tripp's point here is that “Paul understands the Christian life eschatologically. This means that today is preparation for tomorrow, and tomorrow is preparation for something else yet to come.” (p240). I think this is really important. The 'now' certainly matters, but it's not ultimate. As believers, we have a beautiful future to look forward to, and yet it's not disconnected from the now.

Now here's where things get interesting. Paul is not simply saying, “So buck up and try harder” (as if change is only going to happen if we do something about it ourselves). On the contrary, Paul sees God actively working in the here and now to create the change in us, that he himself might present us spotless. We see the same kind of imagery in Ephesians: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her... that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish” (Eph 5:25-27).

So Christ himself is the one working in us to purify us, and the way he does it is through difficulty and hardship in the here and now. As Paul tells the Corinthians, “Even though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day. For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison” (2 Cor 4:17-18).

What all this means is that all the stuff that is happening NOW is actually preparing us for a marriage to Christ THEN. This is why Paul can say that “all things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to his purpose” (Rom 8:28-29). It also explains why God often does not simply “remove” the thorns in our flesh, the trials and tribulations which seem to be the problems in our lives. God allows them to remain, because they expose our sin, they drive us to Christ, they force us to rely on his grace, they are preparing us for what is to come. They are not the problem in and of themselves, so much as the means by which we will be purified.

So how does all this connect back to change? Well, as Tripp says, “Your whole life is premarital counseling... Everything you face today is premarital preparation – living now with then in view” (p241). We need to understand this if we ever hope to change.

First, because it helps us know what needs to change – not the situation (at least not first and foremost), not others, but us. We ourselves are the ones who need work. Miss that reality, and all our effort will be wasted on trying to manipulate our environment and those around us.

Second, we need to recognize that change is a process, it's a long haul. So we shouldn't expect everything to happen at once. As someone once said, God is content to work change in individuals over the course of decades, and in the church over the course of centuries. Change takes time.

All this means we can't quit too soon (either thinking all the necessary change has already occurred, or giving up because we think it will never occur). We're in this thing for a long haul, and yet God is faithful, and this alone is our true source of hope: God will finish what he has started. Our task is to humbly submit and seek him, working out our salvation in him because he is the one who is working in us (Phil 2:12-13).

Call Me a Schmuck

I know, call me a schmuck - I've hardly posted in the last week. Life is really busy right now - our car has died (and 10 days later is still in the shop), we're trying to sell our house, I had an exam this week, I should be translating Hebrew right now, blah, blah, blah. Frankly, my life is probably an awful lot like yours in its ordinary busy-ness.

That said, I have still been reading, and thought I'd share a few nuggets:

1. First, there is Steve McCoy's reflections on the gospel - I think he's on to something we could all use more of. If someone asked you how the gospel made a difference in your life last week, how would you answer?
   
   
2. Second, I want to point you towards 2 posts over on 9th Street Records, where I've discovered a thoughtful fellow blogger who happens to attend the same inner city church in Philadelphia that we do. Ryan K reflects on Smoking as an Act of Hope, as well as his own motivation for living in the city.

I'd encourage you to read all of these - they will remind you of what the gospel is all about, and they may just give you a glimpse of what it looks like to live redemptively out of that gospel, in the midst of a city that is self-destructing.

Shark Post Update

Remember that picture I posted last month with the shark following the kayaker? Well, it looks like it's legit, and Sam 'the MAN' Graham has actually dug up the source article it came from. Go to the original post to read more and see it for yourself. Thanks Sam!

So You Think You Can Juggle?

So you think you can juggle? Well check this guy out. His name is Chris Bliss, and I've simply never seen anything like this. Amazing! (HT: michael lee)

UPDATE: Okay, so no sooner had I posted this and shown it to my kids, than they found a parody of this guy's act - it's called Chris Bliss Diss and its performed by a guy named Jason Garfield, to the exact same tune / routine, but with 5 balls!!! As one of his friends explains:

As a juggler, I (and most of my juggling friends) are pretty annoyed by the fact that everyone and their mother (literally) is forwarding us this video and talking about how great the guy is.

So my friend Jason copied his routine, trick for trick. Only Jason does it with 5 balls. Yep. Five. Watch the video, and understand: THIS is great juggling. That Bliss guy may put on a good act, but he is not a good juggler. There is a huge difference.

So which is better? I'll let you decide. Both look pretty amazing to me...

Cancer and Dental Floss

A couple of weeks ago, Molly mentioned how John Piper says Don't Waste Your Cancer. I thought of this tonight, when our own Westminster Seminary prof Al Groves did this very thing, contemplating on Flossing as an Act of Hope as he faces incurable melanoma.

And then there's this: it turns out CCEF's David Powlison has just been diagnosed with prostate cancer. He's taken the time to add some commentary on each of Piper's 10 points, and it is well worth your consideration.

I'd encourage you all to take a few minutes and read these dying men's thoughts, and ask yourself what you'd be thinking if you were in their shoes. Now ask yourself what could possibly allow them to respond to death this way? A: Real faith in a resurrected Christ.

If you pray regularly, I'd encourage you to add both of these men to your list...

The Church and Social Action

I'm not sure how many people will be interested in this, but I've put together some theological reflections on The Church and Social Action. It is a tad technical (which is why I posted it on Wayfaring Pilgrim rather than here on SLD), but I tried hard to avoid theological jargon and say things in plain english. For those of you who like thinking about this sort of thing, I'd love to get your feedback.

Preaching the Gospel to Yourself Daily

In commenting on a recent post called 18 Years, Danny noticed that I mention "preaching the gospel to yourself" quite a bit, and he asked where that comes from. I think I probably picked it up by listening to the likes of Jack Miller and and Tim Keller. What matters most, though, is what it means.

Basically, it's a reminder that the gospel is more than just that which makes us a Christian (at the beginning of our spiritual lives). The gospel is also the thing that we must live by each and every day of our Christian lives - the gospel makes us more Christian. To put it in slightly more technical language - the gospel that saves us (moves us from spiritual death to spiritual life) is also the gospel that sanctifies us (creates meaningful change within me).

To state the matter bluntly - I don't become a Christian by faith, and then clean myself up by works, by effort, by trying harder. Christ is the one who cleans me up - change happens when I cling to him, embracing him in faith. Just as I am justified by faith alone, so too am I sanctified by faith alone, and even my worship is by faith alone.

Enough theology already - what's it look like in real life? Let me give you an example. Last night I went to Starbucks to study, and when I got ready to head home, my car wouldn't start. We have one vehicle; there is no one to come get me. I am stranded, it's cold outside, and the shop is closing in 20 minutes. So how do I respond? With trusting confidence that God is in control?

Heck no. I panic (this sounds silly, even as I describe it, but it really is the best possible description). I am a creature of routine, comfort. I can have faith to move mountains, as long as it all fits nicely into my schedule, and someone else handles all the logistical details (especially the mundane ones). You see, I HATE calling people, I HATE administrative stuff, I HATE being stuck someplace. And so what do I do - I get frustrated with my wife (she's the administrative one in our family) because she can't fix the situation for me. You see, what I really want is to call her up, and have her say "Ok, a tow truck's on the way..." (see, I told you this is silly). But she can't. Which means I have to. Which means I have to find a phone book, I have to take a wild guess at which tow truck company to call, I have to pay $75 bucks to have it towed, I don't get to do all the stuff I was planning that evening, yadda, yadda, yadda.

I am frustrated with Marilyn, frustrated with Ford, frustrated with not having any friends who are able to jumpstart a diesel truck, frustrated I'm not home in Montana, frustrated my schedule is busy. Mostly I am frustrated with God, because I have a wonderful plan for my life and he seems to have missed my memo for how things were supposed to go.

What's really going on here? Do I really believe God is in complete control of the situation? Sure I do on one level - intellectually, theoretically (and I could probably do a pretty good job of proving it to you from Scripture). But my real world response when I'm in the midst of ttrying situations reveals something significant about my heart - there are places within which are still dark with unbelief, where I am on the throne, not God. And so when he rattles my cage I come out snarling.

And that's where the gospel comes into play. I need to see my sinful response, recognize it for what it is, and I need to repent and believe (Mk 1:15). The answer is not suppression - it's confession. I need to remind myself of the gospel message. God is in control. I am not. I am still an unbelieving sinner in many areas of my life, and these difficult times are actually God's grace to me - they illuminate what's going on inside my heart, they reveal me for what I am.

Anyone can look spiritual when life is going well, when things are easy. But it's the hard times that act as the best mirror, showing us for what we really are, rooting out the unbelief that remains, bubbling it to surface for all the world to see: "UGH! Where'd that come from???" Well, duh, it came from inside (Mk 7). The problem is not really with my car - it's with me.

So I need to preach the gospel to myself daily, recognizing that I am still a sinner who is constantly in need of God's grace and mercy, reminding myself of the promises of God, throwing myself on him rather than trying to make it on my own.

That's the essence of what the phrase means (to me at least) - maybe others would like to share how they see it applying to their lives.

asking good questions

i was venting something difficult in my life to someone recently and when i had finished "venting," this person immediately went in to possible solutions to my predicament. not that their solutions weren't helpful, but i found myself thinking, "i don't want help solving the problem, i just want to be listened to."

do you ever feel that way? do you ever feel like no one is really listenting to you as a person? i suspect you do and how often do we talk about our struggles with someone anxiously hoping to finish speaking so they can give us the solution? i would bet less than 5% of the time. usually we talk about our struggles looking for someone who will listen, enter in and empathize.

why then, as christians, are we so quick to want to solve people's problems? i don't think we truly listen when we do this. i don't know about you, but what i really need is someone to help me get to the true problem - my heart. when i voice a struggle to someone, what i really need help with is my perspective, not the problem itself. when i get the right perspective, i find that the problem becomes smaller.

how do we do this? how do we help people with their perspective in a way that doesn't just give them a trite "biblical platitude"? how often have we told someone in the midst of a problem "god is sovereign and he works all things out for good for those who love him." this is a true statement, but it does little for someone who is struggling.

this gets back to some previous discussions on community and getting to know people better in the daily interactions we have with them. how do we deepen our relationships and offer true perspective in the midst of 20 minute convesations around the water cooler? we do it by asking good questions.

i know we've been quoting a lot from paul tripp lately, but he has been food for our souls and offers some of the most practical stuff christian and i have had in all of seminary combined. if we haven't convinced you to pick up his book instruments in the redeemer's hands yet, i'm not sure we will.

when you bring well-constucted, creative, biblically-shaped question's to a person's life, you are doing more than getting to know them and uncovering where change is needed. You are, in fact, ministering to that person (p173).

so what do you do when someone begins to tell you a struggle in their life? do you begin thinking about possible solution or verses you can give them to help? i confess that this is what i do. instead, i'd like to encourage you to begin thinking of questions that might encourage them to probe themselves more deeply.

one of the keys to asking good questions so that you really understand what a person is going through is to ask them to define terms. one of the things we do instinctively is define people's terms for them. for example if someone tells you that she had a "big fight" with her husband, ask her what she means by "big fight." You know what "big fight" means to you, but your conception and her conception may be totally different. Ask the person to define terms.

if you are like me, good questioning doesn't come naturally. this is something we have to work at. don't be quick to offer solutions or to share your own experience. good questions will make the person feel like you are actually listening, interested and truly empathetic to their situation.

how did that make you feel? what was it like for you when your spouse walked away from the fight leaving things unresolved? what did you do afterwards? how has this affected your prayer life? what thoughts about god did this situation invoke? have you been able to read your bible? have you told anyone else? who else are you getting advice from?

when people ask me these types of questions i dig further into the situation that is troubling me and i begin to see things more clearly. i begin to see how my heart is active in interpreting the situation. if we begin to engage people's stories, they will be more apt to disclose things to us in the future - things that may reveal deeper issues about god and life.

sorry that this is a bit of a random post - i don't have a good conclusion for wrapping it all up, but i hope it makes you think about how you engage people in everyday ordinary conversations. this is where the gospel is really lived out.

Jesus Is Not Glue

A few weeks ago, I stumbled across the blog of a woman I'll call Cassie (no link, since I'm not sure if she'd want me to). I was struck by the sadness of her all-too-common story: she's five years into her third marriage, she dearly loves her four kids (but she doesn't get to see them very often), and things are going south with her current husband:

I've been feeling this HUGE wedge growing between Prince Charming and I so today I asked him if we could spend the day with him. He seemed so happy and eagerly shared he missed when we worked together every day. It was a sweet fleeting moment. ...

I know our relationship is breaking and I've been mostly worried because I don't feel safe talking to Prince Charming about it. About every 3-4 days things get strange and usually the only resolution is sex. Even today we pulled in the garage while I was squeezing back tears and his answer to make everything all better was me sucking him. At first I declined...my heart was hurt but he said, "See...? Negative." So we rolled around in bed and everything will be OK for another 3 days.

So what would you say to a person like this? What does Cassie need to hear?

Now the obvious answer might be something like: "Sex is not glue." What I mean is that sex can never the deliver the goods relationally - no sex, no matter how good, will ever sustain a marriage (or any kind of relationship, for that matter - and yet isn't it interesting how many people view sex as something to help determine whether a marriage will be successful - if the sex is good, that means we love one another and the marriage will work. And yet it never does).

Here's the thing though - Prince Charming may need to hear that sex is not glue, but I have a sneaky suspicion that Cassie already knows it. She's been down that road before, and I think she is looking for something more. So what DOES she need? The biblical answer has got to be "Jesus", right? Well, yes, but I'd like to think about that a little bit.

In his Journal of Biblical Counseling article entitled "Whose Dream? Which Bread?" (JBC, Vol 15, No. 3, 1997), Paul Tripp begins begins with a great question: "What kind of Messiah do you want Jesus to be to you in your marriage?" He goes on to describe counseling a woman with a troubled marriage:

She felt like God had forsaken her... I wanted her to understand that God is a refuge and strength, and ever-present help in trouble.

I was quoting her passages of the amazing, abundant love of God; and in the middle of a verse she said, "Stop!" I stopped. She said to me, "Don't you tell me anymore that God loves me. I want a husband who loves me!" And she pounded her fist into her chair as she said it. - (p49)

Now, I am not sure whether this applies to Cassie, but I'll bet it's pretty close. So many times we look to Jesus, to God, as the one who will "fix" the things that are broken in our lives. We realize we have a problem, we realize he's the answer, but we often assume that the way he works is like divine elbow grease - we expect him to work out the kinks, to smooth the friction.

Where Prince Charming might be looking to "sex as glue," for people in Cassie's situation its very tempting to see "Jesus as glue." And both of those views are wrong.

You see, Jesus is indeed the answer, but not in the way we might think. Tripp points to John 6, where the people are seeking Jesus, hoping that he will perform another miracle and give them more bread to eat. They were looking to Jesus to deliver what they were hungry for - to fill their belly's. Now, Prince Charming's appetite may be for sex; Cassie's is probably more along the lines of relational intimacy. I'll bet she would LOVE to have a husband who loves her, who connects with her all the time (regardless of the sex), a marriage that is strong and stable, one that works and lasts.

And what Jesus told the crowd applies to Cassie as well - she is hungering for the wrong things. This is not to say that her desires are bad. They are just not for what is best. She needs Christ. This is why Jesus said to the people: "I am the bread of life, whoever comes to me shall not hunger, whoever believes in me shall not thirst" (Jn 6:35). This is why Jesus says "The work of God is to believe in the one he has sent" (Jn 6:29).

Now, saying it like this might be a hard sell to someone like Cassie. Let me see if I can make it concrete. Jesus himself says something very interesting as he prays to his Father - "This is eternal life, that they know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent" (Jn 17:3).

Jesus doesn't just say he is the WAY to eternal life. He says that he IS eternal life. To know Christ, to be connected to him personally, intimately - with a relational intimacy that surpasses the best sex ever - THAT is eternal life. That is what Christ desires for us, for people like Cassie.

And the way he gives himself to us, is often through people like Prince Charming. Here's what I mean. We look to Jesus to give us something we want (relationship, sex, whatever). And Jesus says, what you really need is me. And the way I'm going to give it to you is by showing how all the other things you are looking for - as the glue, as the goal - how all these things ultimately fail to satisfy.

This is why God allows suffering - as a grace to us in the here and now, to keep us searching for something more, something better. As Tripp says:

What is now about? Now is about something much deeper than getting up in the morning with a smile. Much more than romantic weekends. Much more than fulfilling intimacy. Much more than having kids you can take to the restaurant without being embarrassed. The message here is that God is willing to compromise these things in order to produce something greater, and fuller, and deeper: genuine faith. - (p48)

So does Cassie need Jesus? Absolutely! But she also needs to understand HOW she needs him - not merely as a fixer of problems, but as the one who sovereignly allows the problems to occur in the first place, so that he can be the one to lead her through the problems, to bring her closer to himself.

If we are going to offer someone Christ, we must present him as he truly is - not elbow grease to eliminate the friction, not glue to hold things together - but the very bread of life, the thing that we need more than anything else. Cassie needs to see that she needs Jesus himself, even more than she needs Prince Charming.

It may take a while to convey, but that's the place we all need to get to. Jesus is not glue. He is what we are looking for in everything else, and the sooner we realize that the sooner we will begin to deal with all our trials, tribulations, and disappointments in everything else.

18 Years

Well, I can't really believe I'm doing this, but I decided to post a rough cut of a song I just finished writing - it's called 18 Years, and it's written as something of a bookend, looking back to where I was at age 18, looking present to where I am now 18 years later. So its a retrospective of sorts - 18 years of music, 18 years of life.

And it's very, very rough (recorded in Microsoft WAV recorder via a little PC mic) - so don't even bother clicking unless you're prepared for all the sordid imperfections this kind of setup implies. For you brave souls who listen, I'd like to hear your impressions. I think. Maybe. Then again, maybe it would be kinder just to say nothing. Hmm...

For those who want the lyrics, here you go...

18 years, finally on my own now,
18 years, and the future's up to me,
18 years, full of dreams and good intentions,
But no one ever mentioned, just how elusive dreams can be,
They are so fleeting, faint, and frail.

Chorus*
Are you lost, weary, heavy laden,
Are you lonesome, looking for something more,
Are you tired, of going through the motions,
What for, what for?

18 years, innocence abandoned,
18 years, and your heart begins to bleed,
18 years, full of fire and vain ambition,
Oh I was on a mission, but all my visions were filled with me,
And I am so fleeting, faint, and frail.*

18 years, since I wrote my first song now,
18 years, and my boy's almost a man,
18 years, full of life that feels like dying,
But I am still trying, trying to learn how to live
And I am still fleeting, faint, and frail

But that is my strength now, yeah that is my strength now... *

Happy Friday...

Dimples of Venus

Jeremy Huggins has tickled my fancy again - check out his beatuiful little paragraph on Dimples of Venus. I wish I could write like this...

Getting Naked Relationally

There is something about getting naked with someone - once the clothes come off, you see everything, in all its glorious splendor and its embarrassing imperfection. There is something deeply satisfying in being fully seen by someone, warts and all, and to still be loved. I suspect many of us go through our entire lives without ever experiencing that kind of intimacy.

I've been reading Instruments again, and Paul Tripp shares an amazing story of a couple in his church who on the outside had a perfect marriage and family, yet behind the scenes there were years of violence and dysfunction. Tripp describes the moment it all came bubbling out over a cup of coffee:

Brad's story was disorienting. I had known this man for years, yet I knew nothing of what he was telling me now. My mind went to the countless hours we had spent with this family. I had assumed I knew them, so I had never asked anything ... about the true state of their personal lives. ...

I realized that the most personal and important parts of our lives fly under the radar of our typical relationships in the body of Christ. We live frenetically busy lives with activity-based friendships, punctuated only by brief conversations with each other. Now I was sitting across from a friend I did not know. ...

We tend to have permanently casual relationships that never grow into real intimacy. There are things we know about each other, but they fool us into thinking that we know the human beings who live within the borders of those details.

- Instruments (p162-3)

In all likelihood, this is the reality for most of us - we do not really know our friends, especially those in our church circles.

So here's my question - Why not? What are the barriers to such intimacy? And how can we change this? How can we do a better job of getting naked relationally with one another in the body of Christ?

1. First, as Tripp himself notes, we have "frenetically busy" lifestyles. We have so little time for meaningful conversations. The way we live our work-a-day lives has huge implications for our faith-family-and-community lives - we are so busy trying to get things done we have very little time to simply hang out and get to know one another. I think about how hard it is to make time to get together with Ryan and Rachel (and heck, we are going to be planting a church with them!). Seminary doesn't help with this. Neither does television.

2. This brings up a second point. We try to play as hard as we work. We seem to think that the way to make up for a hard week at the office is to try and pack a full week's worth of recreating into our weekend. And the nature of our recreation is very individualistic and consumer oriented.

I think about how last night I watched two movies with my kids - that was good. But it was also relationally shallow. Sure we enjoyed each other's presence as we watched Wallace and Gromit's Curse of the Were Rabbit and then March of the Penguins - but the very nature of watching a movie is me passively taking something in and being entertained. This is not to say that it's irredeemable - I'm just saying that most of our entertainment is individually-oriented rather than relationally-oriented. It's like thinking about your spouse while you masturbate in the shower - the inter-personal aspect is secondary at best.

3. Frankly, I think many of us are scared to death of real relational honesty. There's part of us that would really like to be open and honest with others about our struggles, but we tend to live in a church culture where acceptance is doled out on the basis of 'having it all together.' We are afraid to be honest because such honesty usually results in rejection.

Somehow, we have got to rediscover the truth of the gospel - just as God accepts me on the basis of my relationship to Christ (as a son, rather than as a saint), so too I need to accept others on the same basis. Our relationship can't be based on the fact that either of us has it together, or we will never be able to be open about all the places where are lives are still coming apart at the seams.

So are there other reasons? I'm sure there are - these are just a few obvious ones that leap to mind immediately. The real question is - what would it take to create a community where we can be transparent about our struggles, where we can really get to know one another.

I think this is a harder question - I don't really know the answers here yet, but I do know that this is the kind of community we want to create as we plant a church in Missoula. I think we have to start by actually valuing and desiring this kind of community - in other words, we need to be intentional about what we are looking for. That probably means we need to be intentional in pursuing one another - both to make time for one another, but also to ask each other probing questions, to try and crawl into another person's space and invite them to crawl into ours.

I have a feeling that's probably easier said than done - or at least, it'll be easy to make mistakes and get things wrong. But those are good opportunities for repentance and forgiveness - they are great opportunities to preach the gospel to one another (and to ourselves). As leaders, I think we are going to need to model the kind of openness and transparency we're after - that means being chief repenters and sharers ourselves.

It's also easy in this type of endeavor to make relational intimacy the goal in and of itself - it's easy to turn relational candor into just one more form of consumerism, where we actually feed off knowing one another really closely. Ultimately, that's not the reason we should be seeking to know one another (and it will never satisfy) - the REASON we should know one another well is to point one another to Christ - to exhort, to encourage, to challenge, to sanctify. The reason we need to know one another well is so that we can better glorify God together - being re-shaped into his image, helping others down that path as well.

I'd be really interested in hearing what others think here - what do YOU think keeps us from having a deep knowledge of one another's struggles? And how can we do better in this area? At the very least, we need to realize that if we are going to counsel effectively, we are going to have to get to know one another effectively.

How Not To Do Youth Ministry

Scot McKnight, has an interesting post on why he's not an emerging youth pastor:

[My] real confusion came with what I thought I was supposed to be doing. Of course, I had no courses in either ministry or youth ministry (which is not quite the same, I’m told), but I was loaded for bear with courses on Bible and Theology and Greek. So, I taught my students — hardy and patient as they were — Bible. And what better part of the Bible to begin with than Romans. With constant reference to the Greek text.

So it was to Romans we went — for two solid years. Now, don’t get me wrong. I didn’t do a verse-by-verse format. No, not verse-by-verse. No, instead, I did a word by word analysis of Romans, beginning with “Paul.” You got it: Romans word by word. And the best way to make Romans clear was to teach them how to diagram sentences. My wife, the wonderful helpmate that she was, tried her best to get me to see that this was not a junior OR senior high approach to Bible study. But, I slogged away, and if my memory serves me right, we got to about chapter five.

The thing about it was this: we loved the kids, and they loved us back, and that seemed to carry the most weight in our Bible studies.

Scot's post is quite humorous, and it brought back a lot of memories for me. You see, at one point I too wanted to be a youth pastor. But my experiences were a little different than his. I was on the receiving end.

For me, it all started in Jr High - I hated youth group. We had about 30 kids, all "churchers" who could give all the right answers on Sundays even though they looked just like the world the rest of the week. As for me, my life had come unglued with my parents' divorce and I desperately searching for my own Damascus road - I wanted to find something relevent, something real. And youth group just seemed like a sham - fun and games, a social club (which I wanted no part of because it just seemed too fake).

The one place where I kept getting glimpses of something more was this Jesus guy. I had always "believed," but now I was actually starting to dip my toe into the waters of Scripture, and what I saw there was something radical, revolutionary, something way bigger than me, and I desparately wanted to be a part of it. Unfortunately, I didn't see many in the church who felt the same way.

In the midst of this, we got a new youth pastor - I'll call him Wayne (as in 'John Wayne'). You see, Wayne came with an attitude: "We are canning everything social. We are starting a Bible study. If you don't want to study the Bible, don't come because I'll kick your butt out..." (and he did!).

If he was trying to get our attention, he succeeded. I was hooked in a matter of weeks. Like Scot McKnight, Wayne taught solely from the Bible. I remember spending weeks in John 3:16, going word by word, getting grilled on "What does this mean?"

Wayne didn't do much with Greek, but he made up for it with the tenderness of a drill sargeant: "What, you didn't bring your Bible to Bible study? What are you thinking? Would you go to a baseball game without your glove? Would you show up at a football practice without your helmet? Hello!?!? What are you THINKING?" (as you might guess, this only happened a couple of times - people suddenly started remembering their Bibles, or they stopped coming).

Ok, so Wayne was a little gruff and lacked sensitivity (especially to women). But he did have a love for the Bible. And that passion for God's Word made a lasting impression on me. So did the results of his word-centric approach.

Within a matter of weeks, attendence dwindled to 2 or 3 of us hardy souls who where willing to endure potential embarrassment for the sake of learning how to study the Scriptures. As you might guess, parents in the church were in an uproar because their kids refused to attend. But they couldn't fire Wayne, because a) they hadn't hired him in the first place, and b) no one else wanted to lead the youth group (for all their spiritual disinterest, the kids in our group were serious pros at burning through volunteer youth leaders as if they were substitute teachers).

So even though just about everyone in the church was seriously dissatisfied (except for the 2 or 3 of use who actually wanted to learn how to study the Bible), Wayne stayed on.

And then something truly remarkable started happening, something no one expected.

Kids started showing up. They didn't go to our church (many of them didn't go to any church). A lot of them weren't Christians. But they were fascinated to hear this Wayne guy unpack God's Word in a way that challenged everything their lives were about.

So they came. And they brought their friends. And those friends brought their friends. And within about a year and a half, we had over 100 kids showing up every week for an hour and a half Bible study.

This post is getting long, so I'll cut to the chase. Wayne is the reason why I went to Wheaton College - to get a degree in Biblical Studies so I could go be a youth pastor somewhere. Yes, I got accepted at Stanford, MIT, Case Western, and Westpoint. But Wayne challenged us to do more with our lives - to give up everything for Jesus, to devote ourselves to lives of ministry, to attack Hell with squirt guns if that's what it took. And so that's the plow I set my hand to.

Now, lest this seems to be an overly rosy picture, I need to say that nothing has turned out the way I expected. I gradutated from Wheaton with a double major in Biblical Studies and Computer Science ("just in case"), and I went back home to take over Wayne's youth ministry - he was moving on to an associate position in another church; I was going to be his hand picked successor, one of the first fruits of his ministry.

It was all so obvious that this was God's plan - but God, completely to our surprise, slammed that door in our face. I've been doing "just in case" computer work ever since. I tried for several years to find ministry positions elsewhere. I served as a part time youth pastor in a Southern Baptist church for a year - I took a similar word-centric approach, and saw the group grow from 8 kids to about 50 in 10 months. And then the position went south because of politics in the church (and my own immature response to them).

In every case, my failures in church and ministry were never a result of "too much Word" - that was the one thing that always had a positive effect. No, in every case, my failures were a result of "too much Me" - too much of my own sin, arrogance, pride.

And so we bounced from church to church, and every time we ran into road blocks and heartaches, and we finally just gave up on ministry altogether - you see, it turned out I was really good in computers and people in that industry actually wanted to hear what I had to say. If God didn't want us to serve him, well, fine then.

Looking back, all of this was God's grace to us. People like Wayne, people like me, we probably need to be humbled and broken. And I think God did that. I pretty much gave up on him and ministry; but he never gave up on us. Which is probably why I am here today - finishing up seminary and preparing for a church plant this coming fall.

In all of these experiences, one thing remains clear and certain in my mind - God's word has a power and authority and potency that really does work. In all my ministry experience, I have never seen God's word fail to have an effect. So even to this day, I continue to have a very word-centric philosophy of ministry. That will be a feature of our church planting effort. And I am very confident that God will use his word to build another church in Missoula, one that reaches unbelievers, one that reaches people who are hungry for something more.

The one thing I didn't learn from Wayne was something Scot seemed to learn far earlier than either of us - how to love people, how to have compassion and empathy. That was something God has had to teach me the hard way. I think he's finally getting through, as I find myself more and more drawn to the broken, downcast, unbelieving. It's been a long and circuitous journey to where we are now. And there's a long way still to go. But God is not through with us yet, and he is leading us somewhere.

So thanks for sharing your story with us, Scot - it's been a great opportunity to reflect on my own story, and to think about the part that remains untold. It's going to be an adventure, and I am looking forward to it...

In Dog We Trust

Oh my gosh this is funny - Mark Driscoll has just awarded his MMA (Manly Missionary Award) to a bounty hunter named Dog. You can read about it in his post called In Dog We Trust.
(HT, a poster named James over on Kingdom Agenda).

The Dangers of Life in Missoula

On a humorous note (only because it looks like there will be a happy ending), here's an article about the dangers of life in Missoula - you could get run over by a deer!

Butt Dust

This was just too funny (HT: Michala)

"Dear Lord," the preacher began with arms extended and a rapturous look on his upturned face, "without you we are but dust..."

At that moment one very attentive little girl leaned over to her mother and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mommy, WHAT is 'butt dust'?"

Church was pretty much over at that point...

I thought this was worth sharing, since I'm preaching tomorrow.