Susana the Sexologist

So the other day, I am sitting in my favorite coffee shop, working on a fundraising letter, when I happened to say hi to the woman sitting across the table from me. She smiled and introduced herself as Susana (a beautiful name, pronounced "soo-sah'-na"). It was the first time she had been to Infusion, and she was enjoying both the atmosphere and the coffee while her car was being worked on in the garage down the street. We chatted for a few minutes, and then I asked her what she did.

"Oh, I'm a sexologist. I'm getting ready to start working on my PhD in female masturbation."

Wow. How do you respond to that? I learned a long time ago that honesty is the best policy, so I owned up to my ignorance: "Really! That is fascinating. So what exactly is a sexologist?"

(At this point in the recounting, both Ryan and Marilyn interrupted with "How do you get INTO these kinds of conversations, anyway???" Hey, I was just sitting there in the coffee shop, minding my own business...)

At any rate, Susana very kindly proceeded to tell me all about it (short answer: it's not just therapy - it's the scholarly study of sexuality; cf. IASHS). One of the more interesting things she said was this (I'm paraphrasing):

"We don't understand is why women feel guilty when they masturbate. We know there's a connection with religion (eg. making you feel bad for things you "shouldn't" be doing), but religiousity has been on the decline for years now, and most women just aren't that religious. Yet they still feel guilty. We can't figure out why."

That is a very telling statement, and it will be interesting to see what she concludes after several years of study. One possibility is that our sense of guilt (not just over masturbation, but for all manner of things) is not just a sociological thing, but a God thing.

Of course she probably won't reach that conclusion, because her anthropology does not allow it - in her eyes, there really is no such thing as deviance. Everything is ultimately relative: "We work within the client's ethical system, within their moral code" (this approach is common in psychology now, as well).

But now it was her turn. "So what do you do?" she asked.

"Oh, I'm studying to be a pastor," I replied.

"Ah, many of the sexologists at our institute used to be ministers..."

And with that, we proceeded to have a delightful conversation for the next hour or so. I was interested in her sexology (and her love for social dancing, and her vision for an adopt-a-grandparents program); she was interested in my church planting ("So what does your chuch believe - are you conservative or liberal? Why would you want people to convert?").

All told, it was a great opportunity for dialogue. I don't think either of us knew very much about the other going in. I hope both of us went away having learned something (although I felt like I did a pretty poor job of explaining the gospel in language that she could understand). But most of all, I really enjoyed getting to know this person who has such an interesting perspective on life, and yet who knows very little about Jesus or what a Christian worldview has to say about sex. I hope we get a chance to talk again in the future...

Talking to God

Every now and then I run across a piece of writing like this, which I really like, even though I feel like I probably don't fully understand it (my deficiency, not his). Listen to ghetto monk contemplate what it might be like talking to God:

“In my Father’s house are many rooms.”

“Can I have the one with an infinity-high ceiling?”

“What happens when you need to change a light bulb?”

“Won’t I be able to fly?”

“Even better. Just call for Father. He’ll come and put you on his shoulders and tell you to hold tight, and trust me, when he says to hold tight, he means it, and don’t be afraid to really sink your hands into his hair.”

“I bet his hair feels like t-shirts right out of the dryer."
...

You can go read the whole thing yourself.

Y.A.B. (Yet Another Blog) - Part Deux

While I'm at it, I'm going to pass along another blog link as well. Last spring, I posted this picture here (a shot of my little brother climbing) and a lot of people liked it. Well, now Nicholas has gone and started blogging about his adventures, so if you REALLY want to see life differently, you may enjoy checking out some of his pictures over at Loose in the Beartooths.

Note: In this self-portrait here, there's actually a moutain goat looking over his shoulder (you can see it in the background if you click on the image to get the higher-res version). Only in Montana, folks! Stop on over and say hi...

Y.A.B. (Yet Another Blog)

Just a heads up to let you know that I've started yet another blog - this one called Wayfaring Pilgrim. Wayfaring Pilgrim will be a place for me to reflect on what I'm thinking about theologically... if this type of thing interests you, please feel free to check it out.

And now, back to your regularly scheduled programming...

What Do We Worship?

Ok guys, she looks pretty good, doesn't she? And how many of you woman wished you were built like this? Pretty impressive for a 14 year old. Too bad she's fake...

Now that I have your attention, I'd encourage you to check this out. Grab your spouse, and your teenage kids, and sit them down in front of the computer and look at this together. If you don't feel comfortable talking about this with your family members, just remember that the media is comunicating non-stop on this one.

So go to the site, then click the image and it will launch a flash viewer that walks you through the step by step process of how they digitally enhanced this young girl to make her look spectacular. Look at what they are changing, and ask yourself why.

What's the point here? This is what guys are demanding, what girls are aspiring to - and its a fiction. It's also a recipe for disaster. It destroys relationships, it belittles the image of God in all of us.

Shocking? It should be. The group who created this example is called GirlPower, and they're trying to illustrate where things are going in out culture. Yet where's the church in all this? It seems to me this is precisely the type of thing the gospel should be challenging in our culture, and I wonder if we could learn something from how GirlPower folks have gone about it...

Thoughts? Comments? I'd be interested in feedback on this one.
(Sorry I can't remember who to hat tip on this one)

What's Wrong with this Picture?

Now that finals are over, I finally get to start catching up with blogging. A week or two ago, Real Live Preacher posted something that caught my eye. Now, I usually like a lot of what RLP says, but this gave me pause. It all started when a reader named Sherrie emailed him with a question:

Dear RLP,

The pastor at my church said something this weekend that has bothered me. He is doing a series on King Solomon and was talking about Solomon’s greed. My pastor mentioned that God will judge him. I was under the impression that God doesn’t judge. Can you help me with this?

Sherrie

That's a great question. What would you say if someone asked you this? If you haven't already seen RLP's answer, take a minute to read it (it's short).

First of all, there's much in RLP's response that I like. The easy (popular) answer is simply to say, "God is a God of love, of course he doesn't judge." Of course, that's not the answer Scripture gives, and RLP doesn't either. He points out that:

The Bible does say things about God’s nature, but it also preserves the mystery of God. I am convinced that the intelligence who created the cosmos is far beyond anything I can ever understand.

In other words, God is a whole lot bigger than we are. We need to be careful about assuming that we can fit God into our little box, we need to be cautious about judging him according to our standards. Having made that clarification, RLP continues:

Keeping all that in mind, I can tell you that the Bible says that God does indeed judge us. Perhaps you have some rather negative ideas about judgment. Maybe you’ve been judged harshly yourself. I understand why that word has negative connotations nowadays. But when we speak of the judgment of God, it is another way of saying that God understands some things to be right and others wrong. If God knows what is righteous, how can God not judge us when we do things that work against what is right and good?

I think he's stated this nicely. He recognizes that many of us have had bad experiences with others wrongly judging or condeming us. And yet he affirms God's right to judge, even though that's probably not what this woman wants to hear.

So what about love, grace? RLP continues:

But if the God of scripture judges us, the Bible also makes it clear that this God loves and forgives us. The love and forgiveness of God also exist in a measure that is utterly beyond our ability to understand. The Bible speaks of God KNOWING us, and uses that word in a very broad and ancient way. To be known by God is to be known completely. So the God who knows when we are wrong is the same God who loves and forgives us beyond measure.

If we tried to put God into an idea that you and I can understand, we might say that God is like someone who knows all of your faults but loves you anyway. Loves you enough to die for you.

I think all of this is basically correct. But there's something that bothers me in his response. It's not so much what he's said, but what he hasn't. So what's missing from this picture?

It's Jesus.

Maybe I'm just being oversensitive here, but I've read this thing through several times, and he's just not in there. There is no reference to Christ (other than the oblique "he loves you enough to die for you"). And I think that's a big deal.

You see, we live in a culture that has tremendous faith in the love and goodness of God. We are convinced that God will accept us just as we are. All of us. No matter how bad we've screwed up. And that's true.

But Scripture is very clear, it goes much further: God's acceptance and favor is grounded in our being united to Christ. That ONLY happens when we place our trust and confidence in Christ, in what he's done. The right answer is, "Yes, there IS judgment, for every wrong and injustice we have ever committed (and every right thing that we haven't done). But God is also gracious - he has made a way for someone else to bear that judgment. It's Christ. Put all your confidence in him."

And that seems to be missing from RLP's response. Yes he rightly reserves God's right to judge. Yes he points out that God is also loving and merciful. But he says nothing of how that grace and mercy is accessed - it only comes through personal, active, trust in Christ. And that last little bit makes all the difference in the world.

Our only hope to escape God's judgment (which we rightly deserve) is to be united to Christ, who bears that judgment for us. But if we are not united to Christ, we have no hope. Sorry. That's why Christ charged his disciples to proclaim good news to the nations. That's why we believe in "mission." Our only hope is Christ. Apart from him, we are in deep weeds. Christ IS our message.

I'm not sure whether RLP's omission here was intentional, or merely oversight. But it concerns me deeply, because its close enough to the truth to sound awfully attractive. But it's not the gospel. And I think that should concern us all.

Derek Webb Sighting

For those of you who like Derek Webb, there's a recent article interview with him here and here. Worth your while to check it out...

Why Santa Hates Christmas in MT

Turn up your volume and then see Why Santa Hates Christmas in Montana. Ah, this brings back fond memories of reading Christmas stories to my kids when they were little (yes, we Montanans are a wee bit warped)...
(HT: Random Mind).

the naked truth

since christian posted his, i thought i would post my answer to the exam question also...

Have any of you felt ashamed? I remember when I was in the early part of high school and I would have to shower in the locker room after Phys. Ed. class and after basketball games and what not and I was always one of the kids who kept covered as much as possible going in and out of the shower – if I showered at all. It’s not that I was a late developer, there was just something about having all of the other boys in my class know something that intimately about me. I felt shame about my body and fearful about whether or not the knowledge about my body would get out – especially out to the girls in my class. I suspect that many of you feel the same way now as I did then. There is something about nakedness that makes us feel ashamed and aware of ourselves.

But where did these feelings of shame come from? Why is it that we have trouble showering in front of others, especially when other people have the same insecurities as us? It wasn’t always this way. The very first human beings, Adam and Eve, were created without any clothing and the Bible says that they were naked and were not ashamed. However, this feeling did not last. Some time later, Adam and Eve ate the fruit from the forbidden tree and introduced sin into the world. Do you know what they immediately noticed after committing that first sin? They noticed that they were naked and they felt shame so they tried to cover themselves with leaves and branches.

But, as we know, it didn’t work because we still feel the same shame. Adam and Eve felt shame because they were made in the image of God and they no longer appreciated the glory of one another as image bearers. Instead, they traded that glory for shame and then tried to cover it up.

This is what we do as well. We feel insecure about our naked bodies so we try to cover them up. We don’t do our homework so we cover that up by cheating/lying to our teachers. We feel small and desire popularity so we act like we are tough or we talk bad about other people. We conceal who we really are because when it comes down to it, we don’t like ourselves and we don’t think others will either if they truly knew us. We are ashamed of ourselves.

But, just like Adam and Eve, God created us in his image and knows us better than we know ourselves. God knew that the leaves and branches that they used to cover themselves wouldn’t work and he provided the first pair of boxers – made from animal skins! The problem with this covering is that it did nothing to truly cover that sin or any other they would commit from that point on. They needed something more. We need something more. Our efforts to conceal ourselves from our friends and parents might seem to work, but we don’t fool the one who made us. He sees more than just the things we do. He sees our thoughts and our motivations. Because of this we need a covering great enough to hide our sins from God. God himself provides such a covering – in Jesus Christ.

What are the ways that you attempt to cover yourself from God? Do you tell yourself he doesn’t exist? Do you try to balance your life with good works? Do you go to church? Are you “religious?” The Bible tells us that none of these things will work. The only thing that works is to believe that Jesus Christ died and rose again from the dead for you and for you to acknowledge that he is the only way to cover your sins and present you to God.

Naked & Ashamed

So one of the questions for my Human Personality final was this: Teach a group of young unbelievers about nakedness/shame. Ok then, here's my answer (assuming I have 10 minutes w/ a college-aged group):

I've got a confession to make – I have always wanted to visit a nude beach. That probably sounds a little perverse coming from someone who's both married and soon to be a pastor, but I'll bet if you are honest, many of you probably feel the same way deep down.

You have to admit, it sounds kind of exciting at first blush. Kind of like being at Burning Man out in the middle of the desert: you can do whatever you want with whomever you want; there are no inhibitions, no rules, no one telling you how to live your life. For many of us that's what nakedness represents – it's absolute confidence in the face of ultimate exposure. It sounds tantalizing, like the forbidden fruit in the garden of Eden – just hanging there, begging to be eaten.

Now, this may surprise some of you, but Scripture actually takes a very positive view of nakedness. For two whole chapters anyway. But as soon as Adam and Eve eat from the tree of knowledge, everything changes. Throughout the rest of Scripture, nakedness is always presented as something negative, something shameful. Why?

The easy answer would be to say that the Bible was just written by a bunch of pre-modern Puritanical prudes. But I don't think that's the case. You see, if you actually read any Scripture at all (especially to your kids), you quickly discover that sex is all over the place. The people the Bible speaks about were certainly into sex. And some of the people who did the speaking were pretty into it as well (go read “Song of Solomon” sometime).

Sex is everywhere in Scripture. But Scripture recognizes that sex is not everything. And this gets us back to nakedness and shame. Why are we fascinated by nude beaches? I think it boils down to two things: we desire to see, and to be seen.

First, we desire to see. Let's face it – how many of us guys grew up wishing we had Superman's X-Ray vision. Just like Adam, we desire knowledge, we desire to see things as they really are, we desire to see other people with all their clothes off. And when you start asking why, I think most of it comes down to lust.

Why do people like me want to visit nude beaches? Because people like me have appetites that run all the way to our core – we want to be able to be unrestrained in our gazing at naked women. We desire to be little gods and satisfy our curiosity about everything, we desire to consume. That's why pornography and sex is so enslaving to so many. We are enslaved to our desires. We can't stop desiring, we can't stop craving, we can't turn off our flesh. And I'll bet deep down most of you are just like me.

I'll also bet that most of you know that's wrong. You may not believe a lick of what the Bible says, but you know that this kind of lust is not noble, natural, or even ok – it's perverse. It treats other people as objects to be used, rather than as treasures to be honored and cherished simply because of who they are – exalted humanity created in the image of God.

And that leads us to my second point, we desire to be seen. Deep down, I think we all want to be seen for who we really are, warts, sags, cellulite and all – and we want to be loved and valued in spite of our appearance, our behavior. And guess what, it rarely happens. There's a reason we're all wearing clothes.

Girls, how do you feel when you realize that all that guy really cares about is the size of your breasts? How do you feel when you stand naked in front of the mirror and you know that you can't measure up to what he's seeing online? How would you feel if someone saw you in one of those cute little midriff baring outfits and thinks “Eewww!” You'd be embarrassed.

Guys, how would you feel on that nude beach if the woman you are oogling could read your mind and see exactly what you are thinking? You'd feel ashamed.

The fundamental message of Scripture is that we are meant to be glorious, and yet ever since Adam, every one of us is bent, we are deeply flawed. And so we feel shame whenever our desires or imperfections are exposed. Scripture says we need to be covered, we need to be clothed. And Scripture offers us hope that this is possible.

2 Cor 5:4 says “While we are still in this tent [this frail earthly body], we groan, being burdened – not that we would be unclothed, but that we would be further clothed, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life.”

This is the message of the gospel – there is a way to have the life that you are craving. God makes a way for you to be beautiful, all the way to the core. Not by anything you can do yourself, but on the basis of everything Christ has done for you. Christ can cloth your nakedness, but the only way you get it is by admitting you have a problem that you can't fix yourself. That's why Rom 13:14 says, “Put on Christ.”

Scripture calls you to put all your hope in Christ, so that you can be truly seen and accepted by the one who matters most. Put on Christ. And when you put on Christ, something profound happens. Christ will tame your desires. He will turn your lusts into love. He will liberate you from your slavery. No more nakedness, no more shame.

Making the Switch

Just a brief note for those of you who don't already know - there are a couple of great (free) open source alternatives to Microsoft, and I'd like to encourage you to try them:

• Firefox 1.5 - simply the best browser out there, and the new version is faster than ever (go on, ditch IE now!)
  
• Thunderbird 1.0.7 - if you use MS Outlook or Outlook Express, do yourself a favor and try Thunderbird (you can thank me later)
• Open Office 2.0 - You know that MS Office you paid a couple of hundred bucks for? This will allow you to replace it. For free. And it can still read (and save) in MS formats. I've been using this for nearly a year now and really like it.
• Trillian 3.1 - If you ever use an instant messenger client, you really ought to consider switching to Trillian. The basic version is free, and it allows you to talk to all the people you know, regardless of what IM service they signed up under. Plus it logs all your conversations (very nice!).
  

Take a few minutes and give these a try. You'll be glad you did...

You Might Be Emerging If...

For those of you who have actually heard of "the Emerging Church," Sam Sutter has just tipped me off to one of the best (and funniest) summaries I have seen to date: You Might Be Emerging If... (it's a photo summary!)

And to think I just spent oodles of hours in research - reading books, scouring the web, dialoguing with people - all this trying to get my arms around this "emerging movement" thing so that I could crystallize it into a 12 concise pages. And here Marc at Purgatorio has already summarized everything I need to know in one fell swoop! Brilliant! Well done! [BTW: Marc was kind enough to share his blogspot template so I could figure out how to turn on backlinks - thanks Marc!]

Addendum: And then there's this: Why I Am Not Emergent. Always refreshing to be able to laugh at ourselves...